Truly don’t believe I deserve to be this unhappy with my life. Constantly wondering if all the glory days are really over.
Really really really want to start a new house in West Philly. South Philly is too familiar, and I think I would have so much more potential to stay here longer in West. Plus all of the trees and porches, and the less concrete and closed in feelings. Friends, come here? Make up your minds about where you want to be already and come have all the fun with me here please. Never not daydreaming about the day I get my life back, family dinner with housemates and a sense of (sober) adventure.
It’s really hard when you think things are getting better and then out of the blue can’t get out of bed until 3 pm because your anxiety is so bad it’s impossible to go about the day, but sleeping it off only leads to bad dreams. I’ve felt myself falling back in love with this city every time I walk out the front door, but I can’t figure out what to do with that, when there’s hardly anyone here I want to spend time with, at least whom I already know. I have all these feelings of wanting to be doing great things, being a part of something but I don’t know what and I don’t know how much is worth the effort or why I used to have enough that filled my time but don’t now and can’t really remember what I ever truly loved or how to gauge how long I’ll really last anywhere before heading back south. Someone help me get rid of the fog and help me remember and get myself a life please.